Stuck in Limbo

9.27.2015


One day, you'll wake up, look out the window and see a completely different view. The windowpanes are different sizes, the doorframe is another shade of white or the bed is a little less comfortable. Everything you knew is all a little bit off-skew. All the things around you are changing, but you seem to stay constant--or at least the physical part of you does. Humans are naturally unwelcoming of change--we hate the idea of change. But, it all seems a little ironic because we love to buy new things. That ties in the idea of our ever-addicting shopping habit. (i.e. credit cards.) But back on track, your brain just isn't the same when everything you thought you knew is merely a little pod on this big, blue earth. When the world you knew is a tiny spot. (Now we all know what it feels like to be a grain of sand in this vast ocean.) 

When you move away for the first time, you begin to experience new feelings. Questioning everything about this life--specifically, your life. Who you are, what you want, the things you want to accomplish or even all the things back home. What is purpose of being here? When you question things, you begin to feel your personality or self-confidence start to deteriorate. You revert back to your younger years, where you can't feel but become a hopeless child once again. The mind wanders off into an alternate universe, imagining all the possibilities and why things are the way they are. Your heart begins to question the sincerity of others, who you can or cannot trust. Most of all, your soul is lost in a pit of darkness. Your intuition, your gut feeling, it's all back to square one. 

So where do we go from here? Asking questions over and over, but never being able to find the right answers. But are the answers we are looking for too specific? What is truly a right answer? What constitutes a right answer? If so, where can we find the criteria or the map that leads us to the big red "X"? We search and search, jumping through hoops and climbing over ropes, but what is it we are looking for? In this society, being taught and conditioned to grow up and work your way into your future roles, we lose ourselves somewhere along the way. I'm stuck in a limbo and I don't know where to turn. Is it a matter of becoming more independent? Is the outcome worth all the struggle and pain? People will come and go, but will it ever be the same? There are so many questions and a plethora of feelings. The rush of going, but the sadness of being gone. The effects of losing yourself, but the beauty in discovering the world. There is just so much at stake, and the prize is such a long way down the road. So we come back to where we started. 

Where do I go from here?

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